authenticity and me

Today’s amazing word prompt issued by #wordpress is Authentic. and I thought it seriously was a good one, considering what I wanted to write about today.
I think a lot of people took this prompt to go into detail about who they really were as a person, or (as I kept reading through the prompt posts) used it as a creative means to write a really neat piece.

I wish I had less on my mind most days to be creative about anything really….

Anyways, on with the reason for the post today.

I had an interview this morning. Now, before anyone reading starts looking back through all my posts and realizes I already have a job, lemme explain.
I, more often lately, like to go through and impress myself with the fact that my resume brings me some attention. I don’t have a great work history, and I only graduated with my associates degree… But, I have a lot of actual skills, such as (and not limited to); MOS Certifications, multilingual skills, the ability to type at 85+ words a minute without error and one heck of a Customer Service background. And honestly, I send out my resume in complete knowledge that 98% the time I’m not going to get a response, it’s the 2% that catches me off guard.

Now, back in September of 2016, I graduated with my associates degree in a little over 1 year (don’t be shocked, I have a lot of transfer credits from a previous attempt at a bachelors degree, I only needed 11 more credits to graduate with my BS in Psychology with a focus on Applied Behavioral Analysis), and it only took me as long as it did because I switched from Computer Networking Systems with a certificate in CISCO because the job field for that is so saturated in my area I was never going to get a job.

However, when I graduated I was under the impression that I had earned an Associates Degree in Accounting with a certificate in book keeping… Not really paying attention to the fact that my actual diploma states I graduated with a general Associates of Arts with a Certificate in Bookkeeping (trust me, when I found out what it actually was, I was just as pissed). So I had made plans to go back and get my bachelors degree and go from there, but life is getting in my way and I’m 28 and kind of just wanna take some time to live outside of working like I do… No one told me when I switched over to this degree plan that this was the case, and I assumed I could use it to get an internship or apprentice job some where… Everyone kind of just laughs at my degree other than myself and Adam… Because I worked really hard at it and finally achieved something I have wanted to do since a young age.


OK- So back to the original plot line… So, I had an interview this morning, it was set up earlier this week. Was with one of the Municipality Supervisor offices in my area for administrative and bookkeeping experience. I haven’t had an experience in payroll, but I know all about quickbooks, just haven’t used it in over a year (since I’ve been working at my current job, because it’s not required).
I was surprised they had actually responded to the email, and I’m thinking they might not get a whole lot of applicants with my particular skill set, so they penciled me in.
I spent the last 3 days seriously being so self-deprecating that I literally was making myself feel sick. I couldn’t imagine why they’d give me an interview, and I only knew that the minute I walked into the building, they were going to take one look at my knuckle tattoo’s and send me packing.
As my knuckle tattoo’s are the only thing I can’t really hide, everything else is easily covered up or replaced with plastic.

Well, I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to go. Yeah, it’s nice to think about working in a field you thought your degree was in… It’s another thing actually feeling confident in that decision, not to mention I have a lot of myself put into the job I”m currently at and I really like most of my coworkers. I’ve actually accepted an interview once prior and just didn’t even show up to it (I’m pretty sure I emailed the girl and told her I wouldn’t be able to make it due to work, but I honestly can’t be sure and am too lazy to look through my sent mail)…
So, I had plans of bailing on this interview, so much so that I had a crazy dream that Adam never bothered waking me up to take him to work so I overslept because I originally woke up around like 6am or so and was able to get back to sleep… And trust I was super pissed at Adam in this dream, even though I didn’t even want to go to begin with.
But, I guess I had subconsciously committed to going against my bitter resentment of my actual skills. Got dressed, did something with my face and hair and headed out there.

I had thought everything was perfect, but I was running more behind schedule than I thought I was. I walked in, was greeted by the woman who had emailed me and set up the interview at the door. Walked in and was seated across from all 3 supervisors and it hit me that I still had my septum ring showing and my eyebrow ring in… At that point it was too late to flip the septum ring, and not like I could just excuse myself and take the eyebrow piercing out… So, I just rolled with it. Because at the root of all my fears and anxiety’s that I experience when it comes to thinking about leaving my currant job for a different one, I honestly just want an office that is going to accept me for however I look and all my other eccentricities and authentic-ness.

I have had most all of my piercings for so long that they are part of who I am. I have anxiety about actually taking them out and the hole closing up for good and having to eventually get that area re-pierced… I know that sounds dumb, but I am my body and anything on my body is me. I always wanted piercings, and lots of them… Just as much as I always wanted tattoos.

This wasn’t because it was something I was surrounded by (in fact, both sets of my parents had no piercings,  my adoptive family had 4 tattoo’s between the two and my bio mother got a tattoo on her neck after she was well into her 40’s). I also went to high school in such a back woods, podunk-hicks, catholic, farming niche of a town that none of my peers really had any desire for any of that either (not that I cared for any of my peers), not to mention my school wasn’t very lenient on the dress codes…

So, when I started body modding when I was 18, I always knew it was going to be a lot harder for me to get a job than anyone else, regardless of the skill I have and can show… Because everyone is so old fashioned, and professionalism is viewed as, well, not me…
I had kept thinking that the more alternative people came around, the better my chances of being in any kind of professional field would be… It seems that people are more open to the idea’s of pierced and tatted employees, but not so many are willing to hire them in certain fields..

I have found a place that accepts me for who I am, I can look however I want, I enjoy the majority of my coworkers and I don’t mind my job that much…
I guess it just would have been cool to work in a field I have a little more challenging of a skill at, as opposed to answering for rude people who don’t appreciate you most of the day…
But, I did find a place that truly doesn’t care what you look like… Not to mention, I don’t think I’d be making much more money anywhere else I’d go, even though this place won’t give me a raise.

However, that’s probably not going to stop me from flaunting around my resume and accepting any more interviews


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