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Fall 2017

Can we talk about how this fall has been a lie? 

We all know fall is supposed to be hoodies, dying trees, cold, rainy weather and basic white bitches wearing nothing but leggings and ugg boots… But this year, it’s been insufferable heat, booty shorts and confusion for my immune system. 

There have been days of cold and ‘drizzle’ and then immediately the day after its 85, sunny and the college kids are running amuck. But dont be fooled, it will switch a mere 12 hours later bacl to under 60 degrees and quite a drizzle.
So, on this note, i want to talk about the confused immune system. I had tried starting up my Topamax again like 3 weeks ago. Mostly in hopes it would aide in quicker weight loss and help with my migraines (which was why i was on it originally). If it worked, I had no idea how I was going to afford $100 extra a month for these, but whatever, I was living ina delusion that my body was going to start to show improvement.

I’ve been experiencing a lot of burning/tingling numbness of my hands, feet and skin (like, my face, legs and arms… It was infuriating)… I thought I could put up with it because it seemed like I was noticing a slight change in my stomach, I dont have measurements or weight for now but I have a picture…

Now. Maybe I might be insanely obsessed… I see a little improvement on my left side (which is where all my stomach fat seemed to be accumulating mostly). I don’t know if I’m standing differently or what… But, yeah, I’ve been trying to keep some progressive photo shots when I notice any changes, but like I said… I think I’m just nuts… 
Anyways, back to the Topamax. So, I have been having issues with sweeling in my hands and feet. I don’t know if its water retention, if its my thyroid meds or whatever. So, last night I’m at work. Its one of those crazy cold, drizzle days… My hands were so stiff and swollen and painful i started trying to massage the swelling down only to discover that was making my hands hurt more from using them… So, I started to see if there were any adverse reactions like thay to the topamax or the levothyroxine.  Turns out Topamax is only good for weight loss by suppressing appetite and blocling addiction neurons and the best dose for that is 150mg more than I was on. If theres one thing I dont have is an apetite to suppress until I binge eat AND $300 to pay for this medication dose, so I was like ‘how is this even helping then’. 

So, i decided to just stop it again last night. I know I’m going to go through some weird withdrawals. Probably experience some terible headaches right off the bat. But, I’m going to also try an water pill (or would it be a diuretic?) And if that doesnt work then I’ll assume its my arthritis and I’ll buy some compression gloves.

You know what doesn’t impress me, the fact that I got a job to help me afford to live and now I cant afford basic health care in order to really live…




I'm Nickey. I'm a super-mediocre-wanna-be blogger/model/makeup artist/musician/photographer/scholar. I'm a walking contradiction. I don't do life-changing or motivational. I struggle with mental health issues, physical health issues, and suffer from a disease called "life sucks"... These are usually just my thoughts, out there in the open when, and if, I feel like posting.

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