Racing

The nights I hate the most are the ones where my heart is racing so fast it seems almost as if it could burst right through my chest at any moment. And, seemingly, for no reason at all.
Tonight, I think it was brought on simply by the prospect of waking up in the morning tomorrow. The very thought of lying down only to fall asleep and allow the world to restart caused me such anxiety that my body will not allow me to sleep at all now…

I haven’t made a conscious effort to blog since I posted about the incident with Adam. But there was a second incident that followed suit, in my work place.
An incident that has carried itself out over the course of 9 or 10 days now. One which I had thought to be resolved enough for this person and I to at least be civil enough to be co-workers, only for me to find a well placed note Saturday night that sent me into a hysterical panic that I had to call my office manager AND the personnel manager to figure out what to do.
I still have yet to find out if they have figured out to do about the employee… And, now I have to go into work for a few hours in the morning tomorrow and she is supposed to be there, as well… To my knowledge… Now, there will be a manager and one other employee there, but I don’t trust this person as far as I can throw her… And this is what’s causing me such anxiety tonight.

She has herself convinced that what happened between us this past Saturday was much bigger than it was and that I am lying and manipulating everyone in to believing that it was not. In this note I found, she put down I have a “mental-illness and drug-addiction combo” and it’s Karma for all the times she did stuff like this to others in her active addiction days and she hopes I get help and stay out of her life so she doesn’t have to deal with me on any kind of level… I took a picture of the note for safety reasons and sent to a coworker to verify because I don’t want this person going and telling them that I wrote it and am trying to pin it on her.
I found this note a few hours after her and I had a mediation with the office manager where she told both of us that she had no problems with me at all, understood that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding and would have no problems working with me again under my suggestion that someone else be there (and I hope that I don’t have to explain why I suggested someone else be there).

I am very worried that she honestly believes she did nothing wrong and that I am actually underplaying the entire situation. That she wrote that note under the strictest belief that she is 100% innocent in everything that happened between us (and I will get into what happened here in a minute, but what happened wasn’t even that big of a deal, honestly) and that she thinks I should be fired. I believe she honestly thinks I’m a drug addict and that I have a million mental health problems… Truth be told, if you read my blog, I do struggle with quite a few… However, this is not something she knows about me… I think that she suffers from some delusion of grandiose that she is better than I am in some way, and not just me, I think everyone she meets. Because I know personally this is not the first or the second job she has had problems at with a co-worker (or co-workers). And, in my very un-professional yet educated opinion, I think this woman needs more help then she is getting from her “drug and alcohol” rehabilitation center…

 

 

Anyways, now it’s story time… Let’s talk about what happened Saturday September 23rd. Being the day after everything happened with Adam, truth be told I wasn’t very excited to be going to work AND training on top of it. However, I always welcome the solace that the office brings and once I have a chance to get out of a situation I’m pretty good about not letting it weigh me down for a bit.
Anyways. I got to work around 11:45am to work 12pm to 5pm. This was the new girls first shift with me AND her first Saturday afternoon shift… We are usually busy on Saturday’s, the 23rd was a GOD AWFUL day due to the extreme heat and all the service calls we got… Anyways, I showed up early hoping to get a chance to talk to her before we started the day in order to answer any questions and let her know “hey, I’ve had a stressful past 24 hours… Just so you know, I”m not taking anything out on you”.
Now, being as I’m not usually communicating with you, my audience, via anything but text… It doesn’t usually come across that I’m kind of dry, sarcastic and my humor is a bit dark some times… I also deeply sigh a lot, not for any reason in particular, other than I’m broody, and I can get pretty easily frustrated (I know we touched on this one over here).
So, me and this girl were scheduled in the office by ourselves until 3 when the one coworker I’m with a lot was supposed to be in. I thought we were doing fine together, though we were getting slammed and she was asking a lot of questions about things I thought she should already know considering she has been doing this for a month now. Not that I was getting snippy and arguing with her, but just asking her questions about things that were legitimate questions regarding her training. I was having to put a lot of callers on hold, turn off a lot, get up and get over to her. And, if I didn’t get over to her quick enough, she’d start to get frustrated and try and do something on her own and end up messing up and then when I would try and help her fix it she would assume I was upset with her and I would have to keep telling her I wasn’t upset with her, I was just showing her what she could have done to avoid getting to where she was…
Anyways, so the coworker who was scheduled at 3 shows up. We’re slammed still… She is still asking a lot of questions and I’m in the middle of dispatching a call. A call had come in that she should have written some information down for (the 3rd or 4th time this had happened) and she got flustered because she didn’t remember how to look up the account… I asked her to pull up the directory and finished dispatching my call and next thing I know she’s doing something else in a different account for the same call…
Still, not upset… Keeping my cool…. Walk over to her desk. Ask her if her trainer showed her how to look up accounts in the directory. She, very angrily, told me she’s only been alone on the phones for 2 days and she can’t be expected to remember everything…
I tried to tell her I was not suggesting she remember everything and before I could get that out she told me that I have done nothing but get snippy with her all day every time she asks questions. She asked me 3 times how to spell the guys name, yes she remembered how to look up accounts… So I sat back down, took a step back and tried to apologize. I hadn’t seen myself as being snippy, but if she did, maybe she was right. It’s not often my personality meshes with others, and this just happened to be one of the times it didn’t. I kept trying to speak and she just kept talking over me… I looked her dead in the face and told her “Maybe I”m getting snippy with you because you won’t listen to me or let me talk”
It was at that moment she started losing her mind… I don’t even remember what she said, but it triggered my angry neurons and all I remember is getting up, walking towards the door and while doing so, I turned around and told her she could train her fucking self I wasn’t fucking doing it anymore and asked my coworker to help her. Walked out and went to the bathroom for a minute and cried.

I came back to the office, still shaking mind you. Typed a message in my office managers account about how I did not want to be her trainer anymore because it was not working out and as I finished typing the message there was an “OpChat” (which is the system messages for the operators) from her saying she had to step outside for a minute. And then she came back in, grabbed her stuff and was gone…
I then received a message from my office manager who asked I called. And, so I did. And I told her what happened and was told that this girl told her that I was not helping her all day, and when she would ask me for help I would ignore her or get angry about it… I told her that was not the case and that it only got to a blow up after the 3pm coworker got in because I wasn’t able to explain anything to her at this point and that any time I had asked her a question she would tell me she had already known that or she wouldn’t do anything I asked her to do… So, at this point it was a he-said-she-said kind of thing.
So, I had Sunday off. Which was whatever. I had a few texts from a coworker that has worked with this girl saying she was calling her and telling her things that weren’t true. Sunday around 5:30 or so I get a facebook message from this woman telling me she wanted to talk about what happened because I hurt her feelings and made her feel uncomfortable and she didn’t mean to make me mad…
I honestly did not feel like talking to anyone at all on Sunday… There was so much going on that day with everything…. So I messaged her back and told her that I was only going to say one thing, that I had already spoke to our manager so I knew what she had told her and I requested not to work with her anymore, that I wasn’t mad and hadn’t been mad with her the entire day. I only got mad at the end because she wouldn’t stop talking long enough to allow me to apologize. I told her to have a good night and then I turned off the incoming facebook messages from her…
I went back not 5 minutes later to try and explain that I just didn’t feel like talking to find that she had blocked me on facebook completely.
I wish I had saved these facebook messages because it would have saved me so much grief the next day…
Monday morning rolls along and I get a call from the coworker that had been training this girl prior to me… She said she got a call from her Sunday around 3pm or so saying she tried to message me on facebook and I just straight blocked her… This coworker had been brought into this incident the day it happened, like the minute this girl got sent home she called this coworker to tell her “her side of the story”.
SO, I spoke at length about everything that happened, from Friday afternoon with Adam up to that Sunday evening when I got the message. Keeping in mind this coworker is on vacation and I didn’t really want to bring her into this at all… So, now she knows the entirety of the situation and she has made her judgement, whatever that may be. She said she takes my side. I don’t know what goes on in other peoples heads… She did tell me this girl also blocked her on facebook and I found out she also took Adam off of facebook as well (she had Adam on facebook because she worked with him prior to coming to where I work).
So, I got to work early to talk to my office manager. Because I don’t think it’s fair that this girl is bringing in people outside of the incident who have no business being brought in to, not to mention she is not telling them the truth.
And, when I walk into talk to my manager, I find out that she has to speak with me. So, now I know there’s more to this then I was originally aware of. I tell my manager to start first, because I’m pretty sure we are going to be talking about the very same thing. So, it is brought up to my attention that I have a verbal warning against me because this girl called and spoke with a manager in a different office, Crying, saying that I was verbally assaulting her, cursing at her and threatened her very existence… Now, at this point I am again pretty upset at the situation because this is 3 different stories to 3 different people… I then begin to tell my manager what this girl has told my coworker, only to verify that she told a completely different story. I did admit to swearing. But, even I know I wasn’t swearing AT her…

Listen. For all you blog readers out there. I’ve been to jail… I’ve made a person fear for their life…. I know what it’s like to black out and immediately regret what you did. I know what it means to make someone feel uncomfortable and get in there face and swear at them. I know the difference between being provoked into yelling at someone and just having an anger issue…

Anyways… Now I have a verbal warning on my record. So… I go home and I think for a few days about it. I am supposed to be switching to mornings and this girl is supposed to be taking over for me on the evenings… If she’s only working 2 days in the morning I’m never going to be able to switch… I needed to clear the air… I knew WE had to clear the air and I knew the best way to do it was to meet with the office manager, on company time and have it be recorded that we both agreed to what we were saying…

Yes, there were selfish reasons behind it. I wanted to make sure that I was going to be able to talk. I also wanted to make sure that she wasn’t going to be able to turn what I said around behind my back to a manager and get me in trouble… I also wanted to be able to simply clear the air and make a small work space a kosher work space…

 

So, when I found that note in the back of her notebook. And lets not kid here… How was I not supposed to find that note… Regardless of how it happened or when… Can you blame me for freaking out and calling the manager in tears? I’m not about to lose a job I love because some psycho thinks she’s can outsmart me by spreading some rumors…

However, I am going to lose sleep, because she freaks me out… She’s crazy and I honestly can’t stand being around crazy like that… She’s two faced and I can’t believe it took what happened for me to find out… I even have been considering clearing out my drawer and toting my stuff back and forth to work so that it can’t be messed with. But my current purse isn’t big enough, and if I start taking my back pack, then Adam can’t use it… We don’t have the money for me to get one of those tote bags right now… I shouldn’t have to do feel so paranoid about a co-worker messing with my stuff, or planting something… And, I am….

maybe I can go to sleep now… I have to be up in 5 hours to work a 2 hour shift… I doubt it though. My heart is still racing, even though I have this out…

Circle

 

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