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Fork in the Road



On this past Friday I had an argument that often happens in my marriage. It’s not always about the same thing, but it always ends the same way. And, although it doesn’t happen as frequently as it used to, nor end physically like it did in the beginning… This time it had gotten to a rather extreme.

Thursday we finally got a landline phone to go with the line we were paying for with our internet (new plan, but still). I set up it up and switched all of the credit card numbers over to that line, as I was considerably behind on all but 3 of mine and they were harassing me on my cell phone which wasn’t doing it for me while I was at work. As I’m going through all the cards, I got an email from CreditKarma…
God, I wish I had never signed up for that website…
Anyways… So, I got an email stating that my score had dropped… I had gone from a 645 or something down to a 500… So, joking I posted a status on facebook asking if anyone on my friends list could lend me 10k and I would pay them back $200 a month. The typical responses came back “get a loan”… I’ve tried… Even before I was behind in payments, they wouldn’t give me one… We had maxed most of my credit cards out while living with Adam’s brother (I know, irresponsible spenders… But, honestly, credit card company’s prey on people like me anyways, so…) And, Adam didn’t help by getting 2 of his own cards to “get a credit score” only to never make any payments on them… No knock on Adam. But, I can’t even use him as a cosigner for a loan because of that, even though I need his income…

So… Back to the original issue at hand…
Friday morning I woke up and begrudgingly took Adam to work… I hadn’t gotten to bed until almost 3 or so, and he had to be there by 7:30 or 8… I got back home, looked longingly at my bed from the door and realized that if I laid back down to go to bed there was no coming back from that and I worked 4 to midnight… So, I took my meds, and sat down to turn the ps4 on…
Not 10 minutes into playing some Destiny and the land line starts ringing… I answered it the first time… Don’t get me wrong… I turned the phone on.. But I didn’t say anything… Because no one has this phone number but Verizon and credit card company’s now… No one else knows about it as I literally just got it…. So, I didn’t say anything and I sat there for a minute or two and no one said anything, so I hung up… I sat down… The phone rang again. Still and “UNKNOWN” number… My phone gives me the option to block those kinds of numbers, not the actual phone company (though I’m sure they have that option for a price), the physical phone does… I decided to let it go though and see how long it would take for them to leave me alone for the day.
I kid you not when I say that phone rang for about 20 minutes straight. There’s no voicemail set up on that phone. So, they were automatic dialing my phone and when it wasn’t picking up, it was being automatically redialed…
Finally, I picked up the phone and, Low-and-behold, it was one of the credit cards I’m behind on. So, I sit there and explain (lie) that I got behind on all my cards and I’d like to set up a payment plan. The lady on the phone was kind of enough to listen to me say I couldn’t afford the payments currently set up and set up even higher payments…

So, I got the two cards associated with those guys froze and set up for 12 months of payments until they were completely paid off. Called 2 more cards that I then made payments on in order to make current (only to find out one of them wasn’t actually made current last night) and froze one of those, the other guy on the phone didn’t seem to understand what I was asking for…. Called my two major cards that I haven’t gotten behind on ever and froze those cards and my Ulta store card that I love dearly and froze that one as well…

I then proceeded to tell Adam directly after doing all of this that I had set all of this up because I didn’t want him to be mad that I had spent more money and that I had added more bills to our already tight budget (that I set up, in case you’re wondering… I did get a degree in accounting and I am pretty much the only responsible party here……..)
He then proceeds to argue with me and accuse me of hiding everything from him all the time. Tells me I never treat him like he’s part of the team and that I can do this all on my own if that’s how it’s going to be.
At this point, I am over at my friend Rachel’s house. And, I’ve just had it at this point. I have to work until midnight and have been up since 7 or something because I took him to work and now you’re going to argue with me about paying bills to fix our credit score so that eventually we can stop living in apartments….
So, I said fine… I will do this on my own… I’ll stay at Rachel’s house…

To make an entirely long story a little shorter… It had gotten to the point that I actually called the personnel manager and spoke with her about transferring me to the Pitt location and called my mother to ask if I could stay with her until I could get in to the housing authority there.

Basically, Adam had broken up with me and I had agreed to it. And realized that it would be a great opportunity for me to take advantage of the transfer I was offered and maybe still work things out with Adam and just get him to move down to Pitt after I get into my own place…
Friday was very difficult for me. Going and working an 8 hour shift was rough, I wasn’t sure how to actually process what was going on… Was I relieved, was I depressed. Was I welcoming the break and really wanting to still work on things? I didn’t know


So, the entire weekend I’m still staying at the apartment. Rachel said I could have stayed with her. Maybe I should have stayed with her, I’d still be going to Pitt… The entirety of my weekend has been Adam begging me not to go, telling me everything was going to be different, realizing he made a mistake and that things were going to change. And, then when I told him I wanted to go to Pitt in order to get out of Erie and save money to help us move down there entirely, he then proceeded to beg me to stay here and do it together… He didn’t want me to leave him here alone.

And, I get that. He didn’t want to be here alone doing it by himself and he didn’t want me down there doing it by myself. I didn’t want him here doing it all by himself either. I’ve been doing shit by myself since I was young, so that didn’t bother me much. I was only worried about being lonely.
But, at the same time, I had a better chance of getting us out of here quicker by going down there by myself first and saving up money and setting up a place with the housing authority than I do staying here and “saving”. Because, together, we don’t save… We say we’re going to, but we don’t….

So, I told everyone I couldn’t move down to Pitt and I would be staying here… Adam and I are going to try and work things out.
And, for the sake of our relationship, I really hope things are going to work out…




I'm Nickey. I'm a super-mediocre-wanna-be blogger/model/makeup artist/musician/photographer/scholar. I'm a walking contradiction. I don't do life-changing or motivational. I struggle with mental health issues, physical health issues, and suffer from a disease called "life sucks"... These are usually just my thoughts, out there in the open when, and if, I feel like posting.

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