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It’s uncommon for me to share so much in one day. But, I’ve had a lot of time to think. Seems the more I lay around, the more my brain nitpicks. And what good is bed time for other than to tear apart ones day and pin point every mistake….

I was actually really tired when I cam to lay down tonight, despite the depression nap I took after faking my own illness to get out of 5.5 more hours of work. But, as it always will, my brain raced and wandered in to territory I wished it hadn’t.

I’m worried I’m going to go into work tomorrow and pick up next weeks schedule only to have my fears confirmed. That what I snuck a peak of 2 days ago is true and they are cutting my hours down… Now, I’m not sure if they are doing this because that week I will be training… But, there is one day they have me only coming in 2 hours…. That’s ludacris (and no, not the rapper). I’m so anxious about it. And, with the changes they are making in the company, I doubt if I said anything about it, theres much my manager could do…. 

So, now I’m laying here worrying about losing this 5.5 hours of work for this pay thats attached to that schedule and its making my heart race and my legs and feet go numb… How am I supposed to sleep when I have pins and needles going on in my legs and my heart and mind and going a mile a second…

Here I was yesterday, thinking I might have beaten this round of insomnia… And Here I am now, still awake with no sign of sleep coming soon… I haven’t had any kind of caffeine or sugar today. And as I said previously, i was very much exhausted when i came to lay down….
I remember back in high school when i struggled with insomnia, my best friend back then used to tell me to try masturbating. Said it would put me right out. Same girl now suggests smoking a bowl 30 minutes prior to bed… Not sure why, but pot makes my body and brain do some weird shit and masturbating next to my sleeping husband doesnt seem apealing to me…




I'm Nickey. I'm a super-mediocre-wanna-be blogger/model/makeup artist/musician/photographer/scholar. I'm a walking contradiction. I don't do life-changing or motivational. I struggle with mental health issues, physical health issues, and suffer from a disease called "life sucks"... These are usually just my thoughts, out there in the open when, and if, I feel like posting.

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