So, I have been thinking the last couple days about how my life has been since I’ve met Adam. When we first moved in with each other it out of necessity, I had to take over the lease of an apartment I had been sharing with my cousin who dipped on me with no more than 24 hours notice. So, even before he really “moved in”, he was staying with me and helping out with the expenses.
I grew up in 2 different families. I lived with my bio parents off and on for 12 years and got adopted at 13 to a different family. Both families were very strong believers that your house had to be cleaned at least once a week. And not just a dusting… But a heavy scouring of every surface, especially so if company was coming. So, my mentality has always been that one day a week I “rage” clean. I turn music on and take out all of my frustration and bitter, self-loathing on the walls, floors, cabinets, tile and so forth. This changed slightly after I got married the first time. Because I had to accommodate to an infant, preparing multiple meals 7 days a week, cleaning up after an infant and also trying to maintain my mental health.
After Adam and I got together I was always super self conscious about everything. I was so strung out from anxiety due to the amount of bullshit I had been put through with my divorce over a year prior and then the added grief I put myself in by trying to start a relationship again with my ex husband that when I met Adam I felt like I had to do everything and do it all every day. There have been plenty of times where he asked to help clean and I told him there was no way he could do it the way I needed it done, so I would just do it…
I think we were a few months into our relationship, I had been working with him for a while and we were walking to and from work most days. We were unhappy with where we lived, we couldn’t keep up with laundry because money was tight. We basically cleaned the kitchen and bathroom at that point. We had a shitty roommate and things just got tough for us because I was having to drive to Ohio once a month for my probation and we were trying to take trips as we could for me to go see my son.
Adam picked up a lot of slack when I started going into my depression. After we kicked out one roommate and got another one, I ended up quitting working with Adam. I was going to school and the manager was a seriously bad person, the stress of everything just really got to me.
So, at this point I wasn’t really doing a whole lot other than playing video games and school work. And I spent quite a bit of time on school work. I was determined to graduate.
anyways, it turned out due to a combination of things, I was suffering from a severe case of depression and the lazy’s. And, where I lacked Adam picked up. When we ended up having to abandon the apartment to live with family, Adam really took over.
He cleaned, cooked, did dishes and laundry, worked… In a matter of a few years I went from a girl raised to do everything, to someone who could barely remember make herself do anything.
I was talking to Adam about it the other day, about how he made a better house wife than I did… Its not that I can’t do all this, I think I just got into the habit of letting him do it now… Im trying to break the habit, trying to use my time to do more for the house and us.
Im working towards cooking again. I used to be a really good cook. My hispanic dishes were the best…