Faking the flu

Today is the first time in a while I’ve faked being sick to get out of work. I like this job I’m at, but lately I’ve just been struggling with a lot. I haven’t been keeping up with either blog, in fact the post today took me 3 or so dats to write out, and going back through it ended a bit on the ‘cliff-hanger’ side.

I showed up to work today and just realized how much I didn’t want to be there. I do a lot around there, and its not often I call off or ask to leave, so my manager just let me go. I came home and crashed.. Woke up to my phone going crazt from double notifications. Guess it was tine I get up anyways if I want to be able to sleep tonight…..

I finally got my doctor to prescribe me the 100mcg’s of levothyroxin. Only took $150 vial of blood. My TSH level was at a .26 (which is very low) but she said it looked fine, and honestly if I can just lose some fucking weight, that’d be cool. I’ve really been struggling with this… I looked up how to become anorexic without the people around you knowing, not that I really never want to eat, I love food, but food also scares me… I already have issues with eating, from growing up..  I forget to eat for hours sometimes days and then binge eat.. I dont throw up though… I have a few times… But, Ive never liked throwing up and I experienced a whole 2 or 3 months of that last year where I couldnt keep anything down at all, so I’d rather not keep doing it on purpose. 

And, I also started taking my topomax and birth control again the other day.
Almost like I think I am made of money… All together, every month, these meds will run me $120 if I get the topomax filled as well… My headaches and body pain were getting really bad again, so I thought, what the heck… As far as the birth control goes, Sunday marked the end of a 9 day blood loss, and upon finding out I’m not pregnant I guess I’d like to just keep it that way from now on.

Im experiencing some side effects from just jumping back on the topomax. My finger tips are going numb, today my legs and arms were, plus I had some serious ‘brain dead’ moments where I was just blanking out in the middle of sentences… I’m not read to give up on it yet though.

I’m just struggling with finances and everything again. Looks like they are cutting my hours, which means I’ll have to find another job (or a 2nd job), and my meds cost so much, not to mention I have to get blood work done once in a while for this…

I’m also really stressing out about actually getting sick, because I can’t afford to take a whole day off work again…

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