The witching hour

I’m no stranger to the late night hours. Between midnight and 3:30am are my favorite times to revisit my entire life and nitpick where I went wrong. Lately, it’s been regarding my first born son (i say that like I’m some fair maiden who’s only begotten child has rule of the kingdom).

Often times, the witching hour is when I begin to desperately wish I had taken that dose of z-quil, so I’ll end up doing numbers cubed in my head.

Insomnia and I have an on-again-off-again, love/hate relationship. It started back when I was a kid… Never having a strict up-coming can do that to you… However, it hit a real high note in high school, after being integrated into a very strict family. I believe it really got bad when i started downing Stacker 2 with my night doses of psychiatric medications, my heart would race all night, mind going a million miles a sec… Then I started sneaking on the computer and exploring my ‘sexuality’… But, mainly just talking to friends….

It wasn’t long before my family caught on though, and it wasn’t much longer after that I ended up losing my marbles.

So, here I am… Years later…. Still laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how early I need to be up and how absolutely awake I am right now…

I am also no stranger to the blogging world, been doing LiveJournal since before it was cool… And I think if you look hard enough you can still find that live journal somewhere. Ive started a few on here where I attempted to integrate the youtube channel I was using for makeup but was trying to do too much with it and threw it all away to start a creative writing blog… Some of my stories were pretty dope, but I got bored with that and scrapped it again…

Recently I started a blog for my son, kind of trying to get my thoughts out of my head and also as something for him to find, if he looks hard enough… I do it in the form of letters…

So, as I am wide awake tonight again, I decided to down a melatonin and 27 glasses of water, turn my phone on comfort view (to get rid of all blue light) and begin a completely different kind of journey than my other blog. 

I am going in with the same thought process. I expect no one will read this, I’m going to use it as an open journal… Feel free to read, comment, share… Whatever… But, I’ll think you’re weird, no offense… I think it’s weird my blog to my son has 3 followers, but I appreciate them none the less.

There will be rambling, there will be very unimportant details and it might even be long winded. What I can promise is that it probably won’t be life changing, inspirational or motivational… What do i know though, I tend to write 3 or 4 times at work alone and save them as drafts that might get published eventually (probs not though).

For now, I guess I’m going to end this here… Don’t want to keep Adam up and i don’t have much else to say.

Peculiar

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